Rainy Training

I'm on vacation. I keep telling myself that when I roll out of bed at 7:30 to start my day.  Especially on days like today when it's raining out and I'm going trail running on two less than 100% legs.

Since I have the time off though, how could I not take advantage of it?  Surely it would be a greater crime to have all this free time and not spend it training at least a little bit, right?

Right?

So off I drove, straight into a massive cloud bank at the Dirt Mulholland trail near the Nike Missile site.  You've seen the images in the past here in the blog so you have a vague idea of what the terrain looks like.  Today, you couldn't see anything up there!  If the zombie apocalypse were to begin in Encino Hills, I wouldn't have known it until it was far too late. I'm talking about 20 feet visibility tops.  Fortunately, I wore a poncho and two layers of technical shirts and fleecewear to keep me reasonably warm for my two-hour run.

I know that one year ago, there's no way I would have ran today. But poor weather is so rare here that I feel compelled to take advantage of an opportunity to harden me up.  I don't want to enter anymore races where I'm concerned about or even fearful of weather.  That's a promise I made to myself almost immediately after Ironman Arizona concluded.

My legs made it through most of the run pain-free.  But "pain" is a subjective term here.  Was in excruciating pain?  No, not at all.  Did I feel tightness in my right leg at the IT band juncture on my knee? Most definitely.  My left knee fared far better than it has in the weeks following IMAZ.  So that's progress.  Still, later today my right knee required an icing treatment to keep the inflammation down.

Following my run I was soaked to the bone, to the point where I could barely open the locks to my car door because my fingers were borderline numb.  Yet I drove home feeling good and satisfied I took a mental step forward in my training today.  I know it's a little crazy. A bit hardcore.  And I'm still thinking that maybe I'm training too much too soon following IMAZ.  But, I kept a promise with myself.  And for that, I'm proud.

186 days and counting.

Runny Buddy

I awoke 45 minutes earlier than usual for my morning workout. After a long year of training alone, you'll do that in order to meet up with a training partner.  My friend and co-worker, John, is training for the Surf City Half Marathon, his first.  John and I have been training together for years now, starting off in the old temporary gym at our office complex.  During the past couple years, John has caught the running bug, and it's bitten back.  He's found the podium on more than one occasion for several 5k and 10k races, and is now preparing for his longest distance yet.

So, every Wednesday morning from here until Surf City, John and I will be meeting at 7 a.m. at Griffith Park to run the many trails and hills.  I couldn't be happier about that.  Despite two creaky knees and flaming IT bands, I kept up for the most part, though I think John was being gracious.  We talked about life, work, racing and training.  As John pointed out, the miles and minutes melt away when you have good humor and good conversation.

My legs fared better today than they did on my first trail run post-Ironman.  However, I'm not sure I could have done much more than the seven miles we covered in roughly 1:15:00 over hilly terrain.  I'm encouraged that my fastest mile seemed to be my last, though I couldn't tell since I didn't run with a heart-rate monitor.  Technically, I forgot it, but I'm glad I did. I truly am enjoying running for its own sake, though really the company and conversation made the biggest difference.

Unfortunately, as I type this tonight, my legs feel like garbage.  The muscles in my hips and groin are tight and stabbing me with pain.  My IT bands are locked.

In other words, I am not in a good place physically right now.

That may also be attributed to visiting Shannan, my trainer, following the morning run.  I realize that in order to improve my performance in races I need to strengthen my muscles.  Shannan immediately pointed out some deficiencies in the alignment of my knees, showing that my right knee especially droops inward when I put all my weight on it.  This is evidenced by many running race photos I've seen where it seems like my legs are collapsing inward (almost like an AT-AT Walker being lassoed by a Rebel fighter on Hoth) upon their own weight.  Shannan designed an anatomical adaptation regimen for the next four weeks to help me restore some balance and strength in my legs, glutes and core.

I did parts of that workout following the trail run though, which may be contributing to my soreness/pain this evening.

Still, I don't regret that at all.  I know I should probably be tired mentally but I'm completely fired up to be back training again. I've caught fire emotionally and mentally. I am confident the physical side will catch up in time and plan to keep training as best I can.  One lesson I'm learning so far is that I can indeed run through IT band pain if I need to.  I wonder if I panicked a bit unnecessarily at IMAZ when my IT band locked up.  With some pain gel, some walking and stretching on my own I might have saved a lot of time. Hard to say though.

Starting tomorrow, I'll have a lot more time to train over the next week.  I'm officially off work until January 4.  Done for the year!  I really can't believe it.  I've now been at Insomniac seven years!  I'm going to really relax and enjoy my free time as well as my training.  Part of my day though will be spent at an Active Release Therapy clinic in Brentwood, where my legs will get some much-needed sports massage work.  I know it will be painful. Probably as painful as at IMAZ.  But if my body can catch up to my brain and heart right now, it will be worth it.

188 days and counting.

Ironman Arizona Race Report: Part III

RUN: "One Mile at a Time" photo.php.jpg

If I write that the highlight of my run was my 3:56 T2, you immediately get a sense of just how tough my marathon felt.

Within the first mile, I got a side stitch in my upper left abdomen area.  I haven't had a side stitch since my first Olympic triathlon back in June 2009.  WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME???

While I had written immediately following my race that my mantra was Don't Panic, I'd have to be honest and say at this moment, cramping at the first mile of a marathon, that I had a mild freak out.  It actually crossed my mind that I wouldn't be able to complete the race. That after all this hard work and training, I was done for.  Certainly breaking 12 hours was nothing but a fantasy.  My two primary goals for the race evaporated in the first eight minutes of the run.

The pic below was taken immediately before my side-stitch began.  The last smile in a while.

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Talk about a gut check.  Literally.  I switched my Garmin watch from the stopwatch mode to heart rate, knowing that my goal times no longer mattered.  It was a sad, sad moment for me.

This is right at the point where my Fortius friend Mike ran up beside me to ask how I was doing.  Clearly, I was in pain.  I motioned to my gut and Mike just ran alongside me, smiling, encouraging me to shuffle along and that there was an aid station just a mile and a half away, where there would be a cramp station to help me massage the pain away.  Mike was a true savior at this moment.  I was down and out, confused by how bizarre my body was reacting -- especially since nerves were never a part of the equation.

I shuffled to the cramp table, where a medieval torture rack awaited.  Two helpers told me to raise one leg on an elevated step while I reached for two bars overhead.  Then, the aid workers gently moved my body from side to side while reaching under my rib cage to help rub the cramp area.  Finally, the duo applied a pain gel to my stomach and told me I could come back in another eight miles to reapply the treatment.

I'll admit I was highly skeptical that this treatment would work. My second mile was almost as slow as my first, but then my cramp started to go away.  This was partially related to gulping a cup of cola at the next aid station, but I'm convinced the massage really worked.  I dropped close to two minutes off my running pace and hovered consistently within the 10-11-minute mile range.  I was probably faster though I stopped every mile or aid station to keep my heart rate from moving past 155 bpm.  I picked that number somewhat arbitrarily since I can rise in my training zone to 158 bpm without real consequences.  But since I knew I couldn't break 12 hours and I was well ahead of breaking 13, I figured what's the point of inflicting unnecessary pain? At that point I wanted to do everything possible to ensure I finished my first Ironman and recovered sufficiently well to want to try another.

(For the photo below, I'm back up on my feet and seeing my family for the first time on the run for a nice pick-me-up moment.)

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The desire to try another Ironman was severely tested around mile 8.  My left IT band started to lock up on me.  Now, the dirty secret of my bike ride I failed to mention until now is that my left IT band was acting up through much of the 112 mile course.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps it was the cold, which has a tendency to transform my knees into weather vanes.  Or, it might be a recent readjustment on my tri bike for my right inner foot, which was slightly pigeon-toeing on my pedal downstroke.  There had even been earlier signs of IT band trouble, as during my weekly pre-race massages with David, I noticed irritability underneath my left kneecap where none had been all season... except once.

The pain I felt at mile 8 was the same kind I felt at the LA Marathon, where I bonked early from my strep throat and trying to push through too hard on my first marathon experience.  For that reason, I thought my race was over.  A stomach cramp is one thing.  I can push through that kind of discomfort because it is merely that.  A dysfunctional left leg is entirely different.  I knew the aid station was close but I wondered aloud whether it would make a difference when I trudged past my savior Mike for the second time.  Mike kept me calm and told me I could easily keep going in the marathon at my current pace if I just shuffled forward.  This helped rally me to the aid station, where the most painful part of the day awaited.

This time, my torture chamber was not the cramp rack but the massage table.  For two reasons.  First was the table itself.  The massage worker told me to lay down face first on the padded canvas.  When my face touched the table, I immediately wanted to fall asleep.  My position on the table reminded me of what Rocky looked like getting knocked down and out in the boxing movies.  I couldn't lift my neck I was so exhausted.  I just stared out to the side with one eye, blankly.  My day was NOT going to plan.

Then, I was ripped from my somber state.  Literally.  The massage therapist ripped into my left leg and seemed to literally pick up my IT muscle and move it to where she wanted it.  I screamed in pain so loud it startled the workers two tables down. A doctor came over and asked me if I was OK.  I looked at him with the "Don't you dare take my timing chip!" look and told the massage worker to crank it up and get me back on the running course.  I think I must have growled this because the doctor quickly backed off. Or maybe it was the crushed banana I was holding, the contents of which were bursting through the peel as I squeezed it to death with each pull and grope of my legs.

In between howls of pain I remember thinking one thing only, "OH MY GOD I NEED TO SHAVE MY LEGS!!!!"  The massage felt like someone was ripping my leg hairs one by one out of my leg.  While pouring lemon juice into each pore. And then lighting me on fire.

Mercifully, the massage ended.  I slowly arose from the table and walked off the pain.

Once again, the aid station had worked a miracle.  I was not only able to walk, I could run almost immediately.  Of course, I had lost another 12-15 minutes at this point.  However, I knew these calculated decisions would pay off.  I was learning that slower could ultimately mean faster and that sometimes the biggest risks are the ones that force you to slow down a bit.

I find it interesting that the most painful decision of the day was my most valuable and productive.

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The rest of the race was merely a controlled burn towards the finish.  My pace picked up considerably as I averaged close to 10:30 miles for the final 15 miles of the race, which included generous walking portions to conserve energy and heart rate.  I stopped once more for medical attention at the aid station heading into final loop of the run to reapply the cramping gel.  I wanted to play it super conservative to ensure finishing well within my 13:00 third-best case goal. I also stopped to pick up a nearly crushed packet of Pepto Bismal that someone had left on the run course.  The pills were chewable and my stomach still wasn't 100% so I figured "Why not?".  I downed the pills around the 18th mile and didn't really have many stomach issues the rest of the race.  This was the first time I needed to take a PB tablet in all my time training for a triathlon.  Something was definitely amiss in my nutrition on race day.

As the final few miles started to melt away, I encountered one final hiccup, almost literally.  I had been dutifully using my Endurolyte pills at almost every aid station, two pills per mile.  Throughout the course of the training year, I've never had a problem downing these little white helpers.  Except at mile 22 on my Ironman run.  I somehow lodged one of the Endurolytes at the back of my throat and it wouldn't go down.  This led to the pill starting to dissolve in the back of my throat, and I didn't have any water to help flush it back since I was past the aid station.  I saw a woman spectator on the side of the road and I motioned for her to come over and get to the aid station immediately to help me with some water. She quickly, thankfully complied.  I waited as patiently as I could, but soon the agony of the acid in my throat was too great to bear and I started trying to vomit it up.  Nothing came out except a little pill powder.

I couldn't believe I was dry heaving with only four miles to go until my Ironman was complete!

To make matters more embarrassing, a sweet runner named Robyn recognized me by my Fortius jacket and told me how much she loved reading my blog.  All I could do was raise my arm in acknowledgement while in between yacks.  I was incredibly touched by Robyn's gesture yet mortified that she saw me in that condition.

Finally, the spectator rushed over with water and I had to scratch out in a raspy voice for her to put it on the ground so I wouldn't be disqualified for accepting outside assistance.  I got most of the remaining pill down but could taste the acid in my throat for the rest of the run and well into the evening post-race.

The last four miles of my Ironman are actually vivid in my mind.  I tried to pick up the run pace to finish as strong as I could -- while still leaving plenty of room for a heroic 25th mile push.  I alternated between more aggressive running and 30-second walks.  Yet the entire time I wouldn't let myself think of the finish itself.  Most of the run, despite the pain and misery, I stayed focused on the task at hand.  One mile at a time.  One aid station at a time.  One bridge at a time.  One hill at a time.  I didn't even allow a hint of a smile cross my face until I saw Fortius coach Ray and teammate Christina take my photo well into mile 25, with Christina telling me I was in the final stretch.  I could feel it.  The excitement was near. The crowd noise from the finisher's chute was audible.  It almost seemed like every single person lining the running path was cheering for me on that final mile.  I was going to do this!!!

The final 200 yards.  Mike greeted me at the edge of the bike transport area and the parking lot leading me into the chute.  He told me this was the final 200 yards and to enjoy every minute of it.  I broadly grinned.  Mike, that was the one piece of advice I was good on.  Oh, I was going to enjoy it!

A man was running behind me by a few yards, his own victory journey coming to a close. I turned around to ask his name and hometown.  Brian, from San Clemente, Calif.  I shouted out, "So Cal, REPRESENT!" and he smiled.  I told him, "I'm going to remember you and this moment the rest of my life.  Let's go home!"  And with that, I picked up the pace even more...until I rounded the left turn into the finisher's chute.

I have goosebumps on my arms as I write.

I looked at the brightly lit corridor.  Stands on both sides.  Loud cheering.  MY MOMENT.  I DID IT!!!!  I was about to become an Ironman!  At this point, pure emotion took over.  My arms went into the air, making #1 signs on each hand.  Nevermind I finished 936th overall.  In that moment, I was #1.  I yelled.  "Yes!!!!"  "Yessssss!!!!!"  "Yesssssss!!!!"  All the way down the chute. I couldn't contain myself.  I couldn't feel my legs either.  I floated down that chute, sprinting, but with time standing still.  The timing clock came into view: 12:39:15, 16, 17...I was thrilled with that time.  Given all the hardships of the race, all the first-time problems I encountered and ultimately conquered, I was ecstatic.

If you had told me pre-race I'd have nutrition problems, 20-30 mph winds, rain, hail, cramps and dry heaves while still finishing sub-13:00 I wouldn't have believed you.

And then, the finish.  I didn't hear the first part from Mike Reilly, "Ryan Schneider, from Sherman Oaks, California..."  But I did hear the second:

"Ryan, you're an Ironman!"

With that, I crossed the finish line:  Arms raised.  Mouth wide open.  Pure joy.

12:39:20

The ensuing several minutes were spent with friends, teammates and family.  Hugs abound.  Photos in every pose.  All of it a joyful blur.  Everything I had trained for led to that moment.  I was an Ironman.  I am an Ironman.  I will always be an Ironman!

(Celebrating with Steph)

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(Celebrating with Fortius!)

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(Of all the photos taken that day (and night), this one best captured my feeling of inner relief and accomplishment.  That's my dad looking at his camera.)

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Ironman Arizona Race Report Part I

"So, how was your Ironman?"

That was the question I was greeted with from our well-intentioned office administrator as I opened the door to the lobby this past Tuesday on my first day back from completing Ironman Arizona.

You'd think that 12.5 hours plus the ride home would have given me more than enough time to practice and rehearse my canned response to such a simple question.  Yet, upon being presented it, I could only muster an amused stare as my jaw dropped.

How could I possibly sum up an Ironman in quaint morning conversation?

Almost a week later, I'm still struggling to find the words, but I will try below.  From the comfort of my office den at home. In sweats.  Workout clothes and race kits neatly folded for the time being.  Wetsuit flopped over my rocking chair, apparently done for the winter.  Browned, dirt-stained running shoes placed in the closet. Tri bike still at Coach Gerardo's house, waiting patiently for me to retrieve it (this weekend I swear!).

So far, the quiet is the strangest part.  No workouts to log.  No bottles to rinse or prepare.  No early morning or late evening workouts to schedule around. Nothing.  Swim, bike, run has been replaced -- somewhat reluctantly -- with eat, sleep, rest.

And plenty of time to reflect on a yearlong journey that ultimately was blessed with good luck, good health and plenty of good results. Culminating in my first Ironman, but certainly not my last.  Despite the commitment, the pain and the sacrifices, I can't wait for my next M-dot race, Coeur d'Alene. The countdown is about to begin anew but before it does, here are my thoughts on Ironman #1.

I hope this helps a first-time Ironman competitor somewhere out there.  Also see this post for more basic tips and lessons learned

SWIM

As I wrote in the days preceding the race, I was surprised at how calm and relaxed I felt. The best way to describe my emotional state is that I simply felt like I belonged at Ironman Arizona.  All the hours spent alone training, and with my AMAZING Fortius Racing team, had melded and forged my mind and body into something hard.  Not one part of me felt ill-prepared for the day and as a result, I could enjoy every moment going into race morning.

Around 6:40 a.m., after some photos with fellow IMAZ competitors, LA Tri Clubbers and teammates, I plopped into the chilly, murky lake water. The temperature was never a factor, as several ocean swims in Santa Monica, Marina del Rey and Malibu were actually colder than the announced 64 degrees.  Bob and I found a spot together towards the middle-left of the pack.  Upon seeing the massive volume of people in the water, we both realized the likelihood of swimming together was slim. We wished each other a great race, hugged, and treaded water silently for a few minutes absorbing the moment.

Then, Black Sabbath's "Ironman" started blaring through the loudspeakers.

SHOWTIME!

I whooped and hollered, dropping my rock horns in beat with the music.  This was it!  The moment was here, and it was perfect.  The bridge lights above us twinkled overhead, the moon was still out.  And then, the cannon blast signaling the race start.

All hell broke loose.

The lake simply erupted into mass chaos.  Arms churned and legs kicked.  Elbows struck, hands grabbed.  Those first 500-1,000 yards are a total blur.  I just kept my focus and surged forward as best I could without panicking.  Which is hard to do as competitors claw at you to find better position in the water.  I zig-zagged all over the place to find any opening I could for a few strokes without drinking water or being pelted by body parts.  Others weren't so fortunate.  I remember seeing out the side of my right goggle lens a man floating on his back, appearing to hyperventilate.  I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I kept swimming forward.

It took around 30 minutes, by my estimation, before I found enough room in the water to swim at what felt like my race pace.  That would have been roughly 10 minutes before the 1.2 mile turnaround buoy.  I remember feeling incredibly relaxed at this point and somewhat surprised at how fast the morning was going.  After all the waiting, I was in the middle of an Ironman!

The rest of the swim was fairly uneventful.  I did veer off course, straying inward to where an official in a kayak had to gently corral a few of us stragglers back to the main route.  I probably lost 45 seconds correcting myself but wasn't too rattled.  I'd prefer to veer inward anyway as I can track an inside line towards the final turn to the finish.  The only real dilemma at this point was whether I could coax my body to pee while I was swimming. I had to go for a second time even though I pee'ed prior to the race.  I was in such a swimming zone that I didn't want to disrupt my cadence to stop.  This would turn out to be a mistake.

After essentially sprinting the final 500 yards of the swim to reach the stairs exit, I'll never forget looking at the event timing clock while running to T1: 1:12:53. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!???" That's all I could think to myself, I had shattered my best-case scenario swim goal by two full minutes.  I had swam at a 1:43 pace, a full :04-:08 faster than usual.

This was going to be a great day, I thought.

Part 2 tomorrow: The Windy Bike Ride From Hell

I'm Fine!

Hey all, Back to blogging shortly.  Been playing catch up at work and will be posting a race report hopefully by the weekend.  And then, I'm going to keep blogging periodically.  Weekly for sure, possibly daily.

For the two-second blog, here we go:

-- I feel fine, though I'm sore.

-- I'm still on a total high about the race experience.

-- I can't wait to start training for IM Coeur d'Alene.

-- Life is rad!

Back soon.  Watch this space :)

Pre-Game Speech

What else can I possibly say or write about at this point?  I've been thinking about that off and on all day.  The only thing I can come up with is still in the spirit of yesterday's blog about the Ironman Bowl game.

So, here it is, if I were a football coach, this would be my pre-game speech going into the biggest game of my life:

"You've done the work.  Now it is time to go out there and CLAIM what is YOURS.

You woke up before the sun.  You worked in the rain.  In the fog.  In the wind.  The cold, and the heat.  For hundreds of hours and thousands of miles.

You worked, and drenched yourself with sweat, and sacrificed, and so did others around you, for THIS MOMENT.  This is your time.  This is their time too, all your supporters.  Feel them.  Hold onto their energy and love.  There will never be another moment quite like this one, your first Ironman experience.  Enjoy it.  Revel in it.  Respect it.  OWN IT.

OWN IT for better, or worse, for as long as you are on that course.  No matter how hard it gets, and it WILL be hard tomorrow, you WILL keep going.  You WILL NOT QUIT.  EVER.  That word, from this moment forward DOES NOT EXIST.  And might I remind you it really hasn't existed in a year.  So why stop now?!  Do what you must to persevere, but DO. NOT. STOP. FIGHTING.  Everyone else on that course is hurting just like you are.  It is how you handle the pain that defines you.  It is what defined your grandfather.  It is what defined your fallen friends.  And your biggest heroes.  NOTHING worth claiming as glorious is easy nor does it come without suffering and sacrifice.  Pain will ultimately produce pride.

Finish strong tomorrow.  Claim what is yours.  Own the moment.

Ryan Schneider, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN."

What else is there to say?

12 hours and counting.

The Ironman Bowl

I'm staying in a hotel about five miles away from the Ironman Arizona start and expo area. Thank goodness.

The intensity at the expo is tangible and electric.  Every athlete seems to be sizing up the person next to him or her, all while smiling and wishing each other the best of luck for a strong race, and oh-by-the-way subtly asking what time they expect to finish.  The competitive adrenaline flow is kicking in, and by staying just far enough away to detox from it all, I can keep my head and nerves in check.

The excitement and pressure almost feels like mercury rising on a thermometer.  This morning, I was still fresh from the happy-go-lucky mentality I enjoyed over the past few days.  I was almost "below normal" on the thermometer for how mellow I felt.  Steph was even spooked by my chillness.  But by afternoon and into tonight's "mandatory" race course talk (aka "waste of time!"), I can tell I'm starting to head into the "race" mode I'm normally used to before big events.  Because right now, the weight of the moment is starting to feel just a little bigger.

To try and stay loose, I'm just going to bed early tonight.  One more night of relaxation before tomorrow, when the final 24 hours of preparation begin.  I have plenty to do still: practice swim in the morning, pack all my special needs bags, affix stickers to the bike, and deliver it to the transition area.  It can wait just a bit longer though. 

Bob and I are also planning to drive the course once more to confirm race day strategy.  Of course, there's a new wrinkle to that strategy: WEATHER.  It's now supposed to rain (40%) chance, along with the potential for up to 20 mph winds. 

Hey "Tri Asshole," this race ain't lookin' so easy now, is it?

Actually, I hope it rains.  Bring it, I say!  I'm like Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump, howling at the heavens to toss whatever nastiness she can muster to see if it will stop me.  NO WAY.  And ya know what?  What more drama could be added to an already dramatic event than throwing in Mother Nature's temper to spice things up?  Besides, I have a plan for how to handle whatever comes my way.  If it rains, I just need to watch the painted portions of the road to avoid slippage and not take corners too hard.  If it's super windy, I'll increase my cadence, lower my time expectations, and try to keep my heart-rate in check for the run.  If it's both, well, I'll have quite a story to tell for years to come, though I think that part is already pretty much in hand.

No matter how I (over)analyze it, it's all about not panicking and realizing that in some way or another, I've been here before.

Even though I haven't quite.  The spectacle of an  Ironman is all its own in the world of triathlon.  The only way I can describe it so far is what I'd imagine it must feel like to be a college football player in a major bowl game.  Ironman itself, like the Rose Bowl, is much bigger than me or one participant.  It is pageantry and a celebration wrapped around a sporting event.  But I am a part of it.  I'm playing in the big game this time.  I'm not watching from the sidelines or at home on the couch.

We are now inside of 36 hours to race day.  Game day.

My next blog post is my last before the race.

I'm starting to lock in.  It is time.  Time to start thinking about putting on the pads, grabbing the helmet, and taking the field.  Under the big spotlight, amidst what's going to be a massive crowd in the thousands.

I can't friggin' wait.  It's my time.  My moment.

1 day and counting. ONE DAY.

Not What I Expected

(Quick Note: Of all the things to forget, I left my trusty MacBook at home!  That means I can't rapidly upload photos from the experience.  But I will update posts post-race to include images.  Bummer!) Even if someone took my picture as I entered the Tempe Town Beach complex for the Ford Ironman expo today, it wouldn't have been able to contain my smile.

I felt giddy, like I was a part of something truly spectacular.  Something much bigger than me.

That feeling, I expected.

What I didn't expect was how relaxed and natural it felt to pick up my race packet, buy my IMAZ cycling kit and get my body marked for Sunday's race.

I haven't been here before, but in some ways I have.  Obviously, this isn't my first triathlon.  In fact, I think this will be my 20th endurance race overall.  And while it is my first full-distance Ironman, my training -- physical and mental -- is paying off more than I expected. 

Perhaps the only way I can explain it is this: I belong here.  I earned this.  I worked for this.  And as Stephanie reminds me daily -- sometimes even hourly -- I've done everything I can do to be ready for this moment.  There's no reason to be freaked or stressed out.  I've been well prepared.

So all that's left to do is enjoy it.  Believe me, I am.  The energy level here is infectious and it's only Thursday.  Steph and I met a few athletes and all were chipper and grinning broadly.  It's like we're celebrating the victory of being here no matter what happens.  I even met someone in the Ironman Store, Chuck from Idaho, who recognized me from the blog.  (I'm not gonna lie, that pretty much made my year!)

I wasn't sure what to expect out of myself when I planned for this trip many months ago.  Based on my keyed-up approaches to the Breath of Life triathlon and Vineman 70.3, I anticipated similar feelings of anxiety, tension and pent-up competitive fire.

None of those feelings exist within me right now.  Trust me, nobody is more shocked than me. 

(Well, OK, I am still feeling slightly competitive!)

It's moments like these where I wonder whether the Ironman strengthened me greater physically or mentally.  While I may look different physically than a year ago -- leaner, a little more cut -- I'm a very different person on the inside.  More confident.  Calmer.  More self-assured.

Once again, the journey of the Ironman has surprised me.  It is clearly not what I expected.  And I couldn't be happier as a result.

Three days and counting.

Embracing the Unknown

I remember when I first started swimming at Van Nuys/Sherman Oaks pool.  Almost a year-and-a-half ago it seems.  Back when a half-mile swim felt challenging (and satisfying), and all I did was swim back-and-forth without any direction, instruction, or a clue as to how to improve. That's what I thought about today as I blasted through a taper workout of 2,700 yards featuring two 500s and a 1,000 yards broken out by sprint 50s.

I also thought about how today marked my final VNSO swim until Ironman.

The next time I jump into that heated pool and feel the cold concrete sting my toes, I will be an Ironman.  Everything that I've worked for since 2008 will have come to fruition.

What a long, strange, trip it's been.

That also got me thinking.  This journey has been a rite of passage.  I'll be going from a world I knew nothing about -- a Herculean fantasy -- to having full experience and knowledge of it very soon.  It's not unlike other rites of passage over the course of our lives.  Getting our driver's license.  SAT's.  The first day of high school and college.  Losing our virginity.  I don't know about you, but I rushed through all those rites.  All I could ever think about was reaching those milestones, not the journey along the way.  Nor could I appreciate the nervous energy, apprehension and shear terror (at least with the sex part) prior to those gargantuan moments until long after.  When I was safe, comfortable and secure enough to look back at them.

But strangely enough, when I recall those life milestones, I'm surprised to find that I miss the giddyness, stress and anxiety of the unknown prior to"The Big Moment" as much as the moments themselves. As a result, I find myself slowing down more these past few days.  I'm not in a hurry to get to Sunday the way I thought I would be.  I'm truly living in the "Now." I generally don't hang out in that space for very long.  It's the way I'm wired. But since this past weekend -- since my surprise send-off party -- I'm savoring the nerves, the excitement and the feelings of wonder.

I also know, based on all those other "firsts," that this "pre" period just might be the best part.  Maybe the unknown is better than the real.  Maybe the build-up is better than the actual moment.  Either way, I'll know on Sunday.   And then on Monday, it will all be over.  I'll be driving home.  And the countdown to Coeur d'Alene will begin.  How strange indeed.  The countdown clock will reset.  The journey will begin anew, but I'll know what to expect.  It may not be the same as the fabulous wonder of not knowing.

So why not enjoy every moment and sensation of these last few pre-Ironman days? I'll never be quite the same person after the race, and I know that.

Like this morning's swim, this is the end of my "first time" Ironman journey.

And for the first time in my life, I'm going to stop, smile, savor, and embrace the unknown.

Five days and counting.