What is Failure

My streak of consecutive blogs ended almost as quickly as it started.

I spoke at a university class in Orange County last night, and by the time I got home, around 11 p.m., I was bleary eyed. My morning started at 5 with a Tower 26 swim. With a baby waking up a few times in the middle of the night…I was toast.

These are all excuses though. I had a goal to blog daily through Ironman Kona, and I failed almost as quickly as I started.

Is that failure?

Or would it have been real failure had I not blogged tonight? I’m equally tired, if not more so. The same excuses remain.

Maybe failure doesn’t come through trying to succeed, but rather not trying to succeed?

How would that change your perspective during a tough moment in training or racing? When all the same excuses remain to fold mentally or physically.

Put another way, what if you’ve already blown your time goal for a race. You seemingly “failed” but how can you salvage your race to turn it back into a success?

Win the Sunrise

The best part of waking up might be Folgers in your cup. (Nespresso in my Yuppie-ass case)

The worst part of waking up is getting out of bed to go get it.

I’ve been unable to find the motivation and drive to rise and shine for the last several months. Until the last two days, that is.

It’s so easy to wake up once the intent to wake up is real. That is, it’s not a wish. It’s not a “nice to have” feeling. Or motivational words that ring hollow.

It must become a demand within yourself. For me, that translates to, “I’m going to get up tomorrow morning because if I don’t, I will fail myself.”

David Goggins calls those pre-dawn sessions, “Winning the morning.” I’ll adjust that slightly.

How about, “Win the sunrise?”

As a busy family guy now, the only hours that are truly mine are the hours after everyone is sleeping and before they wake up. Which of those hours am I going to sacrifice to rock up and improve myself? When I frame it in terms of self-improvement, it’s much easier to do so. Not sure why, other than the word choice of “improvement” rather than “working out” is a game-changer for me. Easier to understand and rally behind.

Nobody likes to work out at 5:30 in the morning. But IMPROVEMENT…now that sounds interesting to me!

What’s the point of this, Ryan?

Tell yourself whatever you must. Find your narrative that will inspire and drive you. And stick to it.

For me, that’s now “Win the Sunrise.”

What will get you out of bed to the coffee machine in the darkness?

Get to the Pool

I haven’t attended a Tower 26 5:45 a.m. morning swim since July. Between things at Insomniac Games heating up in that time frame, Ayla’s pregnancy, and the height of Good Wolf racing season, I was busy.

These were convenient excuses. I bought into them. Sleep rewarded me. I grew soft.

A healthy splash of cold #Accountability water courtesy of author and all-around superhero badass David Goggins woke up me up recently.

I was being a wuss, to put it politely. I was letting excuses dictate my existence. No more.

This morning, knowing full well that Tower 26 Pacific Palsides-based swim might be canceled due to the fires, I woke up at 5 and drove the 20 minutes to the pool. The funny part is that I almost wanted the pool to be closed — but not for the reason you might think though.

See, I knew I had already won the day. The hardest part of changing your schedule, or your life, is getting out of bed to do it. Good habits start with a good decision. And I knew that even with a potentially canceled swim, I had already changed course in my life.

The swim was not canceled. There were 35 other crazies at Pali High with me. And ya know what? I forgot how lovely the drive back home is as the sun has just risen over the Pacific Ocean and Santa Monica Pier.

Even though we’re just talking about one pool swim early in the morning, that sunrise was earned, not given.

Now, I have momentum. Tomorrow, the plan is to wake up early again and swim at my local pool. Forming good habits again, one workout at a time. All while remaining balanced and focused at home — so back in the door to help Audra get ready for school before 7 a.m.

What is your metaphorical early morning swim? What are you not committing to that’s simply one wake-up away? How can you break up your hesitation into baby steps that set you on a better path?

Getting Real, for Real

This was supposed to be a blog post about when something “gets real” for you. You know, that moment when the thing you signed up for in life becomes more clearly focused. In that split-second, everything changes. , The enormity of the task feels vivid, almost overwhelming. Inevitably that translates to, “What am I going to do?”

I was going to write about booking my hotel in Kona for next year’s big race. How “real” it felt to see that reservation confirmation and know why I need it.

Alas, my blog post got interrupted minutes into beginning it. Ayla was whimpering from the bedroom, and I went in to check on her. Her little eyes were wide-open. She wasn’t tired.

I scooped Ayla up and she snuggled right up on me. After a belch, toot and sneeze (not kidding), Ayla fell asleep on me for about 15 minutes. I felt her practically say to me, “I missed you today. I want some quality time.” No later than two minutes after I sensed that, Steph walked into the room and saw what was happening.

“I think she wants quality time with her daddy,” my wife said.

Well, that was weird. And this is why we’re married.

My point is this. We can book hotel rooms a year out for a race and think something “just got real.” We can obsess about a race a year from now, or a meeting a week from now, an interview in two weeks, or a workout tomorrow.

Sometimes though, what’s happening right underneath us, NOW, that’s what’s most important. And we could miss it.

Everything is “real.” But not all things are important. Or even relevant. That’s the real stuff that matters.

Knowing what’s truly real might be the difference between a good day and a bad one. A good choice and a bad one. A life well-lived, in the present, versus a life wondering what could, should or might be — or might have been.

You may not have a baby right now. But hopefully the thing calling out to you in your mind right now to pay attention is something truly worth nourishing. Take the time to hear the cry if it’s healthy, and snuggle in that presence.

And if it’s just a metaphorical hotel reservation for something far, far away, recognize that too.

What's the Win?

When you’re a coach, it’s important think about how you want to model your team. What kind of culture do you want to build?

What do we value? What kind of person do we want to attract to the team?

Are we about winning? Being fast(er)? Simply having fun? What does “having fun” translate to on the squad?

I’ve found this permeates to how we talk about athletes’ and their race performances when sharing results on social media. It’s a delicate balance. We want to celebrate the accomplishment at the base level — an athlete achieved something that many people won’t even attempt. That’s a WIN by itself. We want to acknowledge the struggle, not just the visceral race-day performance. I’m talking about the daily juggling and war within that often keeps us from reaching our potential. And, in the rarefied instances of a podium placement or personal best, we want to share that too.

My personal goal is to give as much equal weighting to all facets of these performances.

Our Good Wolf culture values the journey as much as the destination.

The race itself is just a snapshot of the journey.

This allows a great race performance to be viewed with a humble lens — there’s always more to improve upon.

And, we can understand and hopefully better frame an athlete’s performance when they’re disappointed.

What do you value as an athlete? Are you framing your race performances accordingly? Do your values align with your coaches and team’s?

If they do, you may be winning far more often than you realize.

Racing Dessert

One of our Good Wolf athletes has a daughter who participated in her first triathlon this morning. Prior to the race, she shared that her little girl was nervous and could use some encouragement from her Good Wolf teammates.

Several of us wrote notes of encouragement and ways to handle the moment. I wrote about eating a good dinner with veggies and getting a good night of sleep before the race. I also mentioned that she should picture all the athletes wearing nothing but underwear to make her laugh — Diana will probably never ask me to write a motivational note for her daughter again!

Other teammates wrote about how she could eat whatever she wanted after the race as a reward. Pizza, cupcakes, and more.

It occurred to me tonight: If we treated ourselves like a child going into a race, and we felt those same nerves…what would we write in our own pre-game note of encouragement?

How similar would our notes be today as they might have been 30 years ago?

What if we could simplify the act of racing into terms that a child could appreciate and be excited about?

One Thing

In marketing, or at least video games marketing, we talk a lot about “the one thing” that defines a game around which a marketing campaign is crafted. Essentially, our "one thing” in Marvel’s Spider-Man was a completely original Spider-Man experience. We use the “one thing” to help combat “the monster,” or the key threat to undermining a game’s success. (Since this isn’t a games marketing blog, I’ll save all that talk for another time.)

In triathlon coaching, I’m learning each athlete has their own “one thing,” just like a game.

The “one thing” in coaching can be minor, but it can have a major difference. For one Good Wolf athlete, it meant identifying that if he kept his bike cadence roughly 6 pedal strokes per minute faster, into the 80 range, his off-the-bike run would dramatically improve. On race day, it did. For another, we identified that a mandated rest day early in the week could be the key to greater overall health and wellness. So far, we’ve dramatically reduced this athlete’s proneness to injury <knocks on wood>.

In my case, the “one thing” appears to be balance. Not physical balance, but rather eeking out the best workouts I can without sacrificing family time. Today, that meant heading to Griffith Park for a late afternoon run after we all got a special half-day off in the studio. I could have run longer today. But this sense of balance — getting home to my family for Friday Night Family Night — keeps me mentally focused and eager to train the next day, without feeling burnt out or guilty. The result is greater overall happiness with myself, and my family’s happiness with me.

What’s your “one thing” that might push your training to a more effective level?

Better yet, what “monster” is lurking in the shadows, waiting to derail it all? What are you doing to address that?

What Are You Going to Do About It?

Sleep deprivation reared its head last night. Ayla had a rough night sleeping. Steph and I were up and down from roughly 1:30 a.m. through 6:30 a.m. taking care of Ayla or just not being able to sleep.

My plan was to train twice today, once in the morning before work and again at lunch. A meeting ran long and I enjoyed lunch with a buddy.

My Garmin 920 died this morning as I was about to leave for my run. Another excuse to skip my workout. I ran with my Strava mobile app and made the best of the situation. Boo hoo. Talk about first-world problems.

So, missed one session, hit one session.

The Good Wolf response would be to celebrate what I was able to accomplish on little sleep, further taking solace that I was present for Audra this morning before she left for school. I ran by feel, stayed in what felt an aerobic level of output, and ran :20-:30/mi faster than usual since I wasn’t tethered to my watch data. More important, I enjoyed the run. How can I build off today’s success? How can I set myself up better for tomorrow?

The Bad Wolf response would be to rue that I failed again. I didn’t HTFU and jam to the pool for an abbreviated swim with the available lunch time I had left. Further, I could spiral downward to wonder how I’ll ever get ready for Kona if I continue to miss my workouts like this. A 50% complete rate is not going to cut it! Might as well just quit now and avoid the disappointment of a poor finish in Hawaii.

It happens that fast. In an instant. Your day can be defined by how you respond in these moments.

The choice seems obvious, doesn’t it?

Accountability Patrol

I received a text message this morning from John, a Good Wolf Coaching athlete, and someone I’ve been fortunate to call a friend the last several months. He’s a Marine officer and busy family man. Someone who is as battle-hardened in life and work as they come.

His officer training has ratcheted up, so finding time to work out has become difficult.

“I just keep coming up with ‘suck it up’, which isn’t helping,” he wrote.

I can relate. I’ve been trying to get back into “training mode” after hitting cruise (snooze?) control for the last several months. During the last week though, after “promising” myself I was ready to resume more hard-core tri training, I’ve struggled to get out of bed at 5 a.m. to put in the pool work — training I used to be able to do more readily before the birth of our second child a few weeks ago. Training I also blew off the last few months since my race season ended in July.

I tried half-heartedly to build a David Goggins-inspired “Accountability Mirror” for myself, a Post-It note filled mirror you stare into filled with tough self-love messages about things you’re trying to improve. Didn’t work. I wrote messages like, “Your swim sucks! You’re losing races before they even start! Fix it!”

Meh.

Nope, “HTFU” just isn’t cutting it right now. Sleep 1, Ryan 0.

Here’s what IS working, and how I started to advise John.

• Instead of simply trying to harden up and get the sessions in at all costs, ask yourself instead, “What can I commit to?” I don’t care how small the commitment is, commit to something. 10 minutes of running in place? Great. 30 jumping jacks to wake up? Do it. It’s a start. Good habits start with small victories. I’m starting with one swim during the week at my local pool from 8:30-9:15 a.m. I’ll keep my existing Tower 26 Saturday morning swim as well, with the ultimate goal being to swim four days a week. It’s just going to take time to get to that point.

• Next, think about your goals. What are they? How bad do you want to achieve them? Can you visualize achieving them? What’s it going to take? Are you willing to do what it takes to achieve your goals? Be honest with yourself.

• Then, reduce your obstacles. What’s stopping you, and what options do you have for mitigating those barriers? In my case, I’ve got two choices. I can collaborate with Steph, my wife, on a plan for waking up early two mornings a week and set up a situation that will enable me to sleep earlier those two respective nights beforehand. Or, I can resolve myself to the current reality that I’m not going to wake up at 5 a.m. after shoddy nights of baby-induced sleep deprivation, and find ways to fit in training that won’t detract from quality time with my daughters. Yeah, that sounds more reasonable.

• Finally, find an accountability buddy. In my case, it’s easy. John and I will help each other. We both need it! As John’s tri coach, it’s of course easier to be his accountability partner. That’s literally part of my job! On the flip side, John is going to hold me accountable too. Who better to do that than a Marine!? If it means bleary-eyed wake up calls or texts at Oh-Dark Thirty, I’m all in.

If you find yourself stuck in a rut or a motivational hole, I hope these tips help you dig yourself out.

Now, it’s off to bed…at least for a few hours.

Return of the Ironmadman?

This blog came into existence because I wanted to chronicle the every day journey into the unknown of becoming a first-time Ironman finisher.

That was nearly 10 years ago.

Now, it’s less than one year until I toe the line at the Ironman World Championships in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii. That’s 13 Ironman finishes later.

What the hell was I thinking?!

I’m going to experiment with bringing the blog back, small posts, one a day. Until Kona 2020. Let’s see how the journey evolves.

So much has changed. I’m married, with two kids, for example. That’s completely rocked my world in the best of ways. I’m a triathlon COACH now too…I never expected that to happen when I started this journey.

So much hasn’t changed either. I still have doubts about my training and performance. I still suffer from the mind games that come with such an intense and demanding sport.

My goals for reigniting the blog are simple:

1) Self-accountability: With so many responsibilities in life now, I need to find a way to coax myself to train. Owning my weaknesses and mental baggage by discussing it in the blog will help. Maybe they’ll help other time-strapped athletes find their way too.

2) Support: I hope people will see they are not alone in their own gigantic life pursuits. I hope people will see that anything IS possible as long as you’re willing to put in the work, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.

3) Inspire: One of my favorite training songs is from the original soundtrack in the film “Creed.” There’s a line that goes, “I wanna be the champ for the misfits and the ones who said I couldn’t do it.” That’s me. That’s what drives me. If you’re a runt, or an outcast, feel like you don’t fit in, or you were cut from more teams than you made growing up, my Kona journey is YOUR Kona journey. If you like the GRIND, this journey will be for you.

I view this as an experiment. I may try different ideas out here. Let me know what you like, and don’t like. Most of all, say hi. I hope we can become pals if we’re not already.

Now…let’s get to work.