A Different Kind of Countdown

Two weeks from tonight, Stephanie and I are getting married. It feels pretty similar to that overwhelming feeling I got two weeks before my first Ironman.  Instead of relying on all the training that got me to that moment, all I could think about was the unknown of whether I'd reach the finish line.  This past week, it was hard not to think about the statistics working against Steph and me, the high divorce rates, shrinking marriage numbers and total strangers I met during my bachelor party weekend who bitterly told me of their failed relationships and why I should reconsider my own.  On top of that, wedding planning reached a feverish peak.  We had tension in the house, deadlines closing in, bills to pay, seating charts to make, and one hell of an Excel spreadsheet filled with to-dos.

It almost became too much to handle.

Then, I recalled my Ironman training and the race itself.  First, I got to the finish line. I made it!  I trusted the hard work and it paid off.  Then, I remembered the team of supporters I had rallying around me.  I didn't do everything on my own.  More important, Steph was such a supporter to me of my Ironman journey that I needed to rally here at the hardest of moments and be the same kind of rock. I then recalled that simply staying calm and focusing on the immediate task in front of me can pay huge dividends. Marriage can seem difficult and overwhelming when you present it in the same metaphorical terms as a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and a marathon run.  Now that I'm not training as much, I'm getting more easily overwhelmed by those distances and wondering how in the world did I pull it off?  However, when you break down each distance into more manageable mini-races, the task seems more reasonable.

I never thought that completing an Ironman would change how I approach even larger life milestones, but it has.  I've learned how to remain calm and focused when I used to freak out.  And more important, I have a successful blueprint for how to handle big changes in my life.

I've heard many of my friends tell me that the final two weeks before their wedding were the worst.  Lots of fights, lots of tears, and ultimately people trying to block that period from their memory banks.  I was on track to be exactly like everyone else, until I remembered my Ironman training and that though the event is much bigger, I've been down this road before.  Once I realized that, which essentially occurred during a morning jog by myself today, I took a huge breath and let a lot of stress out of my system.

What a relief!

So, with exactly two weeks and counting to my wedding, I think I'm officially "ready" for my Lifetime Ironman.

Up Above the World So High

I'm atop the Westin San Francisco, staring out at AT&T Park and a setting sun on a Monday evening. It's quiet in my room, as I'm alone in town for a marketing and PR conference tomorrow.  It's rare moments like these where I can stop and assess my life.  I'm always juggling multiple projects and multiple thoughts in my head.  To be able to calm myself, after a glass of wine and a rich meal, is a treat.

So what am I thinking about?  My mind races, trying to process the last year and a half.  Training for and completing two Ironman races.  Maintaining my career.  My writing. And above all, counting down ever so slowly to a wedding that's now just a couple weeks away.

Where did the time go?

I feel proud that I've accomplished what feels like a lot in the past 18 months.  But I wonder what lies around the next corner.  As I sipped on some wine at my favorite Indian food restaurant (Amber...drool), I realized that lengthy solitary moments for quiet contemplation -- minus being in a pool or on abike/run, are going to be even further and farther apart.  Right now, life feels like a series of daily transitions, where I'm constantly on the clock from one activity to the next.  The finish line really does occur around 17-18 hours later when it's time for bed to do it all over again.

Every day feels like an Activity Ironman.

I'm not complaining.  Not by a longshot.  But I am trying to make some sense of it all in my own context.  I'm looking back at my 15-19 hours of Ironman training a week wondering how in the hell did I do that?  Now that I'm "only" working out 7-8 hours a week, triathlon training seems like an impossibly large time sink. I have no idea how I made it work now that my life has become consumed with other activities.

I suppose it comes down to what's important to you.  Those are the things you make time for, whether it's friends, family, work, hobbies or something else.  For 18 months I made time for triathlon and squeezed everything else in as best I could.  Right now, as my schedule has balanced itself out, I'm still adjusting.  I'm learning to live with "good enough" with my training, if you can even call it that.  I've struggled at times, but I'm also relishing a greater sense of balance between all other aspects of my life.  I'm catching up with myself while I beat myself up at the same time.  I think that's the strange dichotomy of post-Ironman race depression talking.

But in two weeks, I'm about to become a married man. And that's strange too.  I've been single for 37 years and in two weeks, there's someone called Mrs. Schneider and it's not my mom. I'm super excited and to be honest, I'm a little scared.  I'm scared of the unknown, just like I was scared of competing in my first Ironman.  I'm not scared of whether Steph and I will work, I know we're rock solid on that front.  I'm just scared that I'm getting older and entering a new phase of my life.  But if you're not a little scared at a juncture in your life, maybe you're not pushing hard enough?

In that respect, triathlon has helped me take more risks in my life whether it's this blog, approaching Lava Magazine cold and brazenly asking for a column, pursuing Ironman triathlons and ultimately, finding the fortitude to make my relationship right with Steph once and for all last year.

So while I may have been busy as all hell and not sure what the hell I was doing at times, this past year and a half probably produced the biggest emotional and spiritual growth period in my life.  And, yeah, the physical fitness growth wasn't too shabby either.

In the end, the view from the 22nd floor of the Westin San Francisco is pretty astounding.  Taking a few moments to stop and look around is a humbling experience.  I've been so busy for so long that I forgot about stopping and simply doing nothing for a bit.  In those moments, life comes into focus.

Damnit, I like what I see.

Wedding, Coaching and Charity Oh My!

I've had SO much going on lately!  Thanks for being patient with me, not that you're waiting with bated breath for the next blog post. The big countdown right now isn't a triathlon but my wedding.  We're inside four weeks now.  The RSVPs are pouring in, last-minute decisions are being made almost every minute and the anticipation continues to build.  I'm really starting to get excited now.  Before, my wedding was just a date on the far horizon.  Almost like how Ironman Arizona was in 2010.  But it's finally here in the foreground.  The other night I was explaining to Steph that the feeling is very similar to an impending Ironman in that no matter what last-second mishap may occur, we're still "ready" for the wedding and it will be a great event no matter what. We've put in all the hard work and planning and that doesn't go away just because a new challenge may arise.  I was afraid to use an Ironman metaphor for the wedding but I actually think it helped us keep everything in perspective.

On the training front, I've installed my CompuTrainer.  Or rather, I had it installed for me by my buddy Pete, with support from Coach Gerardo.  I have to be honest and say that the set-up process is not the most intuitive.  The documentation feels outdated in an era where a set-up video would be practically expected.  Instead, you're looking at manuals that don't provide the best overall direction.  One example came in the form of installing the bike into the CompuTrainer mount.  The directions don't indicate that you need to use the load generator knob to help adjust where it sits on the back wheel.  This was frustrating because it seemed that the bike wasn't fitting in the mount.  All that said, now that I know how to use the machine and the software, I can tell how powerful a tool CompuTrainer can be.

When I wasn't learning how to use my CompuTrainer, I've been focusing on overhauling my swim technique.  You can see what I'm learning in this video:

As if that weren't enough, I'm dabbling in self-coaching for the next few months.  Just enough to keep me in shape.  I'm making my own training schedule via Training Peaks, reading about training with a power meter and signed up for a triathlon in Palm Springs this December to see how I do in training myself.  I can tell you that it's a lot harder to self-coach than I ever imagined.  All the reading, formulas, theories and time needed to craft a scientifically smart (and fun) schedule is quite the challenge.  But it makes me appreciate what Gerardo does day in, day out, week in, week out for our entire team.  The next time you get a schedule from your coach, make sure to thank him or her for their hard work on getting it just right.  I do really like the empowerment that comes with creating my own schedule.  I feel like I'm doing something important for myself and that if I perform well or don't perform well, it's nobody's fault but mine.  In other words, I like the accountability.

On the writing front, I'm working on turning my first year's worth of posts into a self-published book.  I think the lessons learned in there on what to expect mentally from training for your first Ironman may be valuable to others.  It's taking a lot longer than I expected reading through each month's worth of entries and taking notes about what to focus on for each chapter.  I'm thinking at this point I'll write an introduction summarizing that particular month of training and insights while including each individual entry after it.  Hopefully the power of the daily entries is what people find interesting. We'll see. I'm open to suggestions though if anyone has any.

Finally, I can't finish this post without mentioning the T-shirts I'm creaing to benefit Season 1 Racing and Cancer Hope Network.  I've gotten a pretty good response from folks who liked my "I may not be a runner...but I'm a runner today" mantra from Ironman Coeur d'Alene.  So, here's a T-shirt design I'm considering at the moment.  The shirt color will be a darker gray and the Season 1 Racing logo will be moved to the shirt sleeve.  But otherwise, what do you think???  I'll be taking orders soon and then buy the shirts after I assess demand.

So that's what's been keeping me busy lately, not to mention changing times at work.  And now, I embark on an even scarier mission...my bachelor party weekend!  Lord, help me.

I'm Back.

I've taken a month off.  Tomorrow, I'm comin' back. It won't be every day.  But when I do write, I promise quality.

Peace.

Why Not What

Midway through my Sunday morning bike ride with my fellow Ironman Coeur d'Alene finisher Richard, I realized something pretty important: Two hours of road cycling is plenty! In my first outdoor ride since IMCDA, the biggest thing I noticed was how happy I was to enjoy the rest of my day AFTER my ride.  No bricks.  No pre-ride swims.  Just a nice bike ride, no Garmins attached.  Done by 1 p.m., not 5.

What does that mean?  Am I burnt out?  Do I need more rest?  Was it a bad idea to buy that Computrainer after all?

The answers: Maybe a little, I don't know, and I hope not!

The way I felt after my ride has started affecting my desire level to train more actively.  I'm starting to feel the onset of a rather satisfying laziness.  I've accomplished what I set out to do.  I hit my goals. In the process, I've deprived myself of my favorite foods, favorite drinks, sleep, time with friends and family.

I want a break!  I want more balance.  And I've been taking it, eating literally whatever I want, drinking some beers and generally becoming rather sloth-like while hanging out more with my crew.

At the same time, I hate how I feel!  I'm feeling my fitness melt away daily.  That sense of guilt is making it very hard to relax during what's supposed to be a recovery period.  It's almost like being on a treadmill at an uncomfortably high pace, yet unable to hit the "Stop" button to get off.

There's a fine line between a lifestyle and an obsession. Sometimes I can't tell which is which.  One person who does know the difference is pro triathlete Marino Vanhoenacker -- who recently broke the 14-year-old world record for fastest Ironman result with a 7:45:52 before Andreas Raelert beat that mark one week later by an astonishing four minutes.  While I won't go into details since I'm saving them for my upcoming Lava Magazine column, I will note that he believes age groupers have lost sight of how to enjoy the sport of triathlon -- instead focusing too much on attaining PRs.

I can't really argue with that.

In fact, for the rest of this week, I'm going to focus on WHY I'm continuing with triathlon.  What am I enjoying about this sport?  Why do I want to consider Ironman Canada next August?  Why am I going to keep pushing myself to my physical and mental limit?

This is a worthy challenge.  One I'm up for though.  Have you done the same lately?

I will write soon to let you know what I find out.

Computrainer Purchase

It's been a busy off-season already for me.  Though the phrase itself is a bit of an anomaly to me.  It seems like all my friends are training for some kind of event, and I hate feeling left out of the fun.  So back in the pool I go, back on the bike I ride.  I've even tentatively planned my 2012 training schedule. Part of that plan included buying a Computrainer. I can't wait to start using it!  My goal is to ride on it twice a week in the coming months, though I'll be reviewing a software upgrade package for Lava Magazine online in the coming weeks.  I bought the Computrainer -- along with the Ironman Canada video course -- to save time during my training and to increase my power on the bike.  My goal is to crush 12 hours at my next Ironman, which may be Ironman Canada next August.

I know I'm supposed to be taking time off but I'm excited to stay in shape and plan for the future.

I'm also excited to share that I applied for a trademark today on what appears to be a popular phrase from one of my recent blog posts: "I may not be a runner, but I'm a runner today."  The actually quote was "I may not be cut out to be a runner, but I'm a runner today."  But I think the former will fit better on a T-shirt.  I'm going to work with an artist to design something cool and then I'll share it here on the blog site.  I'll sell it for a small fee and will donate 50% of the proceeds to my friend Rusty's triathlon team dedicated to fighting cancer, Season 1 Racing. I'm very excited to help motivate like-minded people and support a truly worthy cause.  More to come soon!

Enjoy Your Swim

"Enjoy your swim." That's what I was greeted with tonight at VNSO pool as a new pool locker room attendant took my GYST bag.  I'm not sure why, but it really hit me.  The ONLY reason I was at the pool was for exactly that reason, to enjoy the swim.  It was so simple!  Gone was the pressure of an Ironman.  Or a race of any kind.  I'm still in "recovery mode" so I wasn't planning to even push it hard tonight.  I just wanted to stay in my fitness routine and enjoy the swim.

Which I thoroughly did, and for crying out loud I did my fastest 100 of the entire year!  1:18. Where the hell did that come from?

I honestly think it had something to do with simply enjoying the swim and having no agenda or pressure.  That, and for the first time since I've been a part of Fortius Racing, I paid Gerardo in cash for a single workout.  I'm no longer on a monthly workout plan as I explained in yesterday's post.  I'm just paying as I go for swim sessions.  The simple act of taking cash from my wallet and handing it Gerardo meant something different to me tonight.  It was as if I was making a personal choice and investment of "real" time and money to be in the pool for the next hour. When the money isn't physically leaving your wallet, instead coming out of a Paypal account, credit card or check, I think perhaps it's easier to mail in a workout here and there.  But when you actually see that money exchanging hands, it's a little more real.  I don't want to waste that $10.  So I better bring it.  I'm paying for it right here and now, making a choice to be here in this moment.

Just some random observations after a hard swim workout.  Harder than I expected, that's for sure.  Gerardo gave me drills to do involving swim gloves (web-like paddles), a pull buoy and an ankle wrap that I'll becoming very familiar with over the next several months.  It certainly helped me go faster tonight for some reason.  I'm still mystified about that.

"Enjoy your swim."

I'll have to try that more often!

You Have No Upcoming Workouts

Since November 2009, a big part of my life has been ruled by an email appearing in my Gmail inbox: My Training Peaks scheduled workout.  My coach, Gerardo Barrios, dutifully updated my schedule each week and sometimes two or three weeks in advance.  I planned my work day, outings with Stephanie and our friends and family, and my own "free" time around whatever my Training Peaks update left room for.

But since the conclusion of Ironman Coeur d'Alene, my update has read the same: "Ryan Schneider: You have no upcoming workouts."

It's taken all of one week since IMCDA to become sick of seeing that statement.  Sure, I've swam a bit and spun on my trainer.  But it's just not the same.  Strangely, now I feel guilty with all my free time -- though I'm savoring every minute.  I've gotten so much done around the house, spent a LOT of quality time with Steph the past few days, caught up with friends, finished my next Lava Magazine column and am finally present with all my outstanding work-related emails.

Ahhh, productivity!

Still, deep inside, I can feel my fitness slipping away.  All the work I did to become a bonafide Ironman triathlete is dissipating.  And that's frustrating.  I didn't work this hard to become a slouch.

What am I going to do about it?

This is my plan, for the moment. Plans can change, as I've learned all too well from this sport.

• For the next two months I'm focusing heavily on all things wedding.  The Big Day is less than two months away and there's still much to do.  Steph has been phenomenal shouldering such a heavy load, and I'm going to ease that burden significantly.  The countdown for the wedding is becoming just as exciting as any athletic event, and I think it will surpass anything I've felt before come Wedding Day.

• While Steph and I are focused on The Best Wedding Ever, I plan to swim a couple times a week, either with Fortius or on my own. I also plan to learn what I can to significantly improve my swim technique.  I don't know if that means Total Immersion swimming or improving upon my existing mechanics.  I'm undecided here, so any advice would be super appreciated!  I won't participate in a triathlon until at least October (though I did flirt with showing up last-minute to Strawberry Fields Triathlon in Oxnard on July 16), so I have plenty of time to see how I can break major new ground in the water.

• Next, I'm planning to purchase either a Computrainer indoor computer trainer system OR a power meter to measure power output on the bike.  If I want to make big leaps on the bike without spending more time training then either one of these tools are going to become quite important.  I'm still trying to decide which tool represents the better investment.  Please let me know if you have an opinion.  In the meantime, I'm going to spin on my trainer a couple times a week while watching the Tour de France, possibly going on a few-hour ride one day during the weekend.  If anyone reading this wants to go riding for a few hours, let me know!  (Brennan, I'm looking at you!)

• While I'm training simply to maintain a basic form of fitness, I'm planning to thoroughly read Joe Friel's "Your Best Triathlon" book.  I need to find a way to train within the 10-15 hours a week range, with few exceptions.  I figure more focused, more intense training spread out over more recovery might help.  That's why I'm leaning towards purchasing the Computrainer, as it immediately cuts down on commute time, gives me all sorts of data to analyze and lets me ride simulation courses from most Ironman or 70.3-distance events.  From what I'm reading, 70 miles on a trainer equals 100 miles on the road.  I like that, if I can grind it out mentally.

• That's everything on the training front. I still need to find better balance with my writing.  I've got some plans to turn the Ironmadman blog into a book project and self-publish through Kindle. This is a long-term goal though I'm starting to work towards it now -- thinking of an outline is the first step and is officially under way as of today.  Next, I'm considering an offer from the LA Tri Club to be its official blogger.  I'd write one post per week on pretty much anything I want.  However, time is going to be slim for this so I may have to opt out.

Where does this leave my blogging?

I don't know, to be honest.

I don't know if I can continue to blog every day, especially without any races coming up.  There's simply not a lot of "interesting" triathlon related news that's going to come from me.  I do owe people more info from my Chris McCormack interview, and I haven't forgotten about that.  Otherwise, I think we're winding down on the Ironmadman daily blog for the time being.  I'll continue to post, just not nearly as often.

Of course, last time I wrote that I went back to heavy frequency.  Perhaps this whole writing thing is more a part of me than I realize!

I do plan to write a somewhat temporary/unofficial "farewell" post in the coming days.  Something to wrap up what I consider to be two huge chapters in my triathlon journey -- completing my first Ironman and taking the lessons learned to complete a second within seven months.  There are lots of people to thank and acknowledge, and I'd like to write a letter to my future children (NO, none are on the way any time soon mom!) so they can have some real context to what I hope this blog can teach them one day.

Just because I don't have any upcoming workouts on my schedule doesn't mean I'm going to stay idle.

I hope I'm just warmed up now.