In LA sports broadcasting, there's a laughable legend named Vic "The Brick" Jacobs. Thick Noo Yawk accent. Dresses in bizarre fashion. Jewish Buddhist. Laker fan for Life.
I love the guy. I'll admit it.
His catch phrase is "Feelin' You!" It's what he practically yells into the radio mic when fans call in to his shows. It's his way of acknowledging his fans' presence, energy, and support.
That phrase has been stuck in my head the past several nights. Not because I'm feelin' Vic or because he's feelin' me. More to the point, it's because I'm not feelin' me. Where did I go? I've had post Ironman depression in the past, but this is something different. I'm more tired than I recall. Lethargic. Unmotivated. And worst of all, that's left my temper short. I've had a shockingly short fuse the past few days, almost embarrassingly so.
What's my deal? I am most certainly NOT feelin' me.
Part of the problem is that my next race is probably not for another three months. Part of my problem is that I've gone from Ironman training to weekend spin class with Steph where I'm the only guy in the room, certainly the only avid cyclist, and certainly among the youngest. "Sweatin' to the oldies" is a more appropriate phrase right now than I'd like. Paging Richard Simmons.
I'm having a hard time adjusting back to "normal" life. My dad has given me some really good advice though. I need to watch out for "Adrenaline Junkie Complex," that feeling where you go immediately from one giant goal to the next without taking adequate time to celebrate what just took place. Yep, that's definitely me right now. I'm working on it. For that reason, I purposely haven't scheduled another race in the next few days. I need to get better at managing the void. Filling that void with more races isn't the answer. Being mature, reflecting, acknowledging, and evolving is the answer.
So, for the next few days and perhaps weeks, let's just call this period "growing pains." Apologies in advance if you're not feelin' me.
Don't worry. I'm not feelin' me either.